J-Lo Joins the Spaceship

Looks like Scientology may be adding another celebrity to its alien worshipping, scapeship waiting, e-meter reading ranks. ContactMusic is reporting that Jennifer Lopez may have been brainwashed…er…influenced while she attended the Scientology publicity coup that was the TomKat wedding.

Jennifer Lopez is turning to the teachings of Scientology in an effort to become a mum, according to new US reports. The Maid in Manhattan star, who recently attended the Italian wedding of top celebrity Scientologist Tom Cruise, is reportedly taking tips from actress Leah Remini, who used the religion’s doctrines when she was trying to conceive her first child.

According to American publication Life + Style, Lopez became interested in Scientology when Remini confided in her that the religion helped her conceive. An insider tells the publication, “She’s starting to understand the cleansing process. It’s all about putting the positive energy where you want it.”

The source insists Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony are unlikely to join the church because he’s a devout Catholic, but “he’s willing to let Jen do what she needs to make things happen.

Is is possible the Hollywood loving church is taking the “science” part of their name a little too far? I’m not a doctor, but I can tell you exactly where to put the “positive energy” if you want to get knocked up.

Hi, I’m Lindsay and I’m a…

Has Lindsay finally admitted that she has a problem? Reports are surfacing that the hard partying drama queen has been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. LiLo has reportedly been seen wearing an AA badge (does she not get the whole concept of anonymous?) around town.

Aside from the fact that Lindsay is still not technically old enough to drink, does anyone else find this just a bit hard to believe? If the girl really wanted to stay sober, maybe she should start by not spending every night out at Hollywood hotspots doing body shots.

But, here’s my question, if the first step is admitting you have a problem, exactly which problem did Lindsay confess to first? Isn’t there an I’m-a-spoiled-obnoxious-embarassment-who-can’t-function-in-normal-society Anonymous meeting? That would just save time.

Nicole Richie Feuds with Former Stylist

Nicole Richie is venting some of that starvation rage. The teeny-tiny celebrity recently posted a blind item on her MySpace page that doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

X-RAY
BLIND ITEM:
What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup…

Hey, I like guessing games. Is the “raison face” in question by any chance Richie’s former stylist Rachel Zoe?

Zoe should know better than to mess with a girl who took social bitch lessons from Paris Hilton.

Material Mom Under Scrutiny

Madonna’s fight to keep her adopted son is a long way from over. The Material Mom is going to have her parenting skills evaluated by a host of human right groups who will then decide if she can keep little David.

Fox News reports:

Judge Andrew Nyirenda ruled in favor of a coalition of 67 Malawian human rights and child advocacy groups who want to be party to the assessment of the pop singer’s fitness as a mother and to review Malawi’s adoption procedures.

Nyirenda on Oct. 12 granted Madonna and her filmmaker husband Guy Ritchie an interim order allowing them to take initial custody of 14-month-old David Banda. Malawi regulations stipulate that prospective parents undergo an 18-to-24 month assessment period in Malawi, but Madonna was allowed to take the boy to her London home soon after receiving the interim order.

The rights groups were concerned that the government cut legal corners to “fast-track” the adoption, and said regulations must be followed to protect children.

“I believe the applicants mean well and this court will certainly benefit from the applicants researched opinions,” he said in his ruling.

Sure the quickie adoption made me raise an eyebrow as well, but what exactly are these “human rights” groups proposing? Are they seriously considering sending this little boy back to Malawi because Madonna got to hurry thngs along? Opps, sorry, Madonna used her money to get you out Africa too soon, so we’re going to take you away from a life of privilege and opportunity and send you back to an impoverished orphanage.

Uhh, what exactly is their definition of “the best interests of children?” Sure David will have to spend hs fair share of time in therapy with Lourdes and Rocco once he sees his mother’s THS or finds her Sex book. But, come on, I should be in therapy and my mother never wore a cone bra or french kissed Britney Spears (that I know of).

Did K-Fed Cheat on Britney?

Just when you thought K-Fed and Britney couldn’t get any trashier…well you’d be wrong…again. Rumors are surfacing that K-Fed was cheating on his sugar-mama and baby factory with porn star Kendra Jade. Once source reports:

Kev and Kendra had sex at their friends’ apartment multiple times, starting in early October…Their friend would phone Kendra and a few other girls to come hang out, and it would always end up with Kevin and Kendra heading off to the spare bedroom!

So K-Fed is a lying dog (we all know that) and Britney is taking her revenge by what? Turning into a porn star?

See, I would have gone with something like, getting myself seriously hot again, selling a ton of new records and making a jillion dollars then eventually marrying a rich, successful man and telling the kids to call him Daddy. But, hey, I guess flashing your vagina and letting Paris Hilton cop a feel accomplishes the same thing.

Nicole and Paris Back Together

Nicole Richie seems to be rediscovering a few things…eating and Paris Hilton. The friends/enemies/friends were spied lunching on burgers together. A food choice that will not make the PETA people any happier with Nicole.

So perhaps the Simple Life co-stars have mended fences and we can look forward to 5 more years of their un-reality show. At least Nicole has the decency to be a little ashamed of that fact…that must be why she’s dressed in her best Unabomber costume.

TomKat May Make Beautiful Music Together

Tom Cruise and new wife Katie/Kate Holmes have taken another step in their never ending quest to hog the media spotlight. A source has told Britain’s Daily Star:

“Tom’s got a great voice. And he loves that song ever since his Top Gun character Maverick sang it to woo his love interest Kelly McGillis. Katie proved how talented she is musically when she performed in The Singing Detective remake.”

Tom’s vocal talents did not go unnoticed by several music producers who attended his wedding, and the couple have apparently been offered staggering sums to sign an exclusive record deal.

Aside from the eye rolls and head shakes this news may cause, do you think if you play their record backward it will say “L.Ron Hubbard is right. The spaceship is coming”? I mean, that’s what I would do.

Borat Breaks Up Pam and Kid

Page Six is reporting that Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock may have split because of another man. And not in the juicy, entertaining way. The two were invited to a screening of Borat at the home of Universal Pictures exec Ron Meyers when Kid reportedly had a slight overreaction to seeing Pam’s role in the movie.

The hugely popular film shows Sasha Baron Cohen – in character as Borat Sagdiyev – falling in love with Anderson after seeing her in a “Baywatch” rerun, then driving across America in order to propose marriage to her.

Her friend tells Page Six, “Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, ‘You’re nothing but a whore! You’re a slut! How could you do that movie?’ – in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

“Pam thought he could have a sense of humor about the movie. She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie. And on the eve of what was supposed to be a very positive thing, he made it an awful night. “Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them,” the friend relates. “Bob is just a very unhappy and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know, there are reasons why she never married him before. Those reasons disappeared while they were together on a boat in St. Tropez, but she knows now that they never went away. The reality is he is an insecure, angry man.”

Um, this is the movie Kid Rock has a problem with? Did he miss the Pamela and Tommy sex tape?

Beyonce Nightmare

Apparently Beyonce doesn’t play well with others. Rumors abound that Beyonce and her parents are more than a little tweaked that Dreamgirls co-star Jennifer Hudson is getting attention and critical acclaim for her role in the movie. One source reports:

Jennifer attended the screening of the movie and (acknowledged) Tina & Mathew Knowles, but they pretended not to see her … and Mathew threw Jennifer the ugliest look.” After the screening, Mathew Knowles reportedly called up the films director and “let him have it” over his little girl being overshadowed…Things came to head between Beyonce and Hudson when the diva refused to speak to her co-star prior to their appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show. “Backstage, Beyonce hugged/greeted everyone, but did not say a word to or even look in Jennifer’s direction.”

I can’t believe it. I mean, really, Beyonce acting like a self-centered diva? But she was so nice about the whole Destiny’s Child thing.

Britney Spears Upskirt – shaved pussy, no panties

Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you freaking kidding me? Did Britney Spears decide to burn all of her underwear in some sort of skank voodoo ceremony? And do we all need to be a part of it?

How did this girl not notice that her skirt was bunched up in her lap? Did she not feel the leather on her bare butt? It takes a special talent to be that oblivious…or that deliberate.

Granted, the act of getting into and out of a vehicle is slightly more complicated than talking while chewing a wad of gum, but you’d think after 24 years the rapidly down-spiraling Britney would have mastered it.

Here’s a tip…keep your legs together. And I’m not just talking about her oh-so scarey “friendship” with Paris Hilton.