Britney Spears Still Looks Trashy

Was it dress like a hooker day in Beverly Hills? I must have missed the memo. Compared to Britney Spears in her Hollywood Blvd. cast-offs, I feel so over dressed in my mini-skirt and tube top.

I don’t know if Brit is on her way to dance class again, but it doesn’t really matter. The torn fishnets, cowboy boots (brown boots no less), mesh dress and neon bra are all fashion no-nos. Seriously Britney, get a stylist and a personal shopper or get a pole and g-string and get it over with.

Victoria Beckham’s Nipples Point the Way

What exactly did the doctor fill Victoria Beckham’s boobs with when he did her implants? Of course we can’t ask him because the man has probably been recruited by NASA to work on indestructible materials for the space shuttle.

I’m suprised her nipples don’t need to be registered as deadly weapons. In these pics Posh even remembered to wear a bra, but it still isn’t enough to contain her robo-nips. Those things are like guided missles. Maybe if she feels threatened they shoot out poison gas, or silver bullets.

The View Swaps Rosie for Roseanne

Looks like The View may be replacing one fat, loud mouth with another fat, loud mouth. Rumors of who wil replace the exiting Roise O’Donnell have been flying fast and furious since she announced her firing…sorry…quitting on-air last week. And the current front runner for the blabbing job, Roseanne Barr.

From TMZ:

With Rosie on her way out in just a couple months, the brassy Barr has emerged as the candidate to beat, says the New York Post, though Joan Rivers, Whoopi Goldberg, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Connie Chung are also in the running. With Rosie leaving, says an ABC source, “they’re missing strong personalities, and that’s what they’re going to need if they want to keep it going.”

By “strong personalities” do they mean obnoxious women with annoying voices? Seriously, don’t you feel sorry for Barbara Walters right about now? Babs could have a more intellectual discussion with a howler monkey…and she wouldn’t need her ear plugs either.

Lindsay Lohan Likes It

For all of her faults (which are many) at least Lindsay Lohan is finally being honest about something. The tabloid cover girl is admitting that she likes being photographed by the hovering paparazzi. Duh.

From TMZ:

The truth is out: Lindsay Lohan just loves getting snapped — by the paparazzi. “I obviously like it,” says Lohan to Nylon magazine (via Page Six) of the photographic attention she attracts. “I wouldn’t ever want them to not take my picture … I’d be worried. I’d be like, ‘Do people not care for me?’” She says that the only time she’s felt bad about prying lensmen has been “in a chic restaurant, or when I was in the AA meetings,” because she thinks it’s “disrespectful.” Meanwhile, she fesses up to a real addiction — a shopping problem — and it’s bad enough that she has to tell her therapist about it.

So Lindsay is seeing a therapist. That’s a good thing. But if she spends her whole hour chatting about her Jimmy Choo addiction, I think her therapist is missing some of the bigger issues.

Jenna Elfman Defends TomKat

Those Scientologists stick together. Like a bunch of crazy birds all sitting on the same telephone wire. Scientologist Jenna Elfman is publicly defending the marriage of her Hubbard buds Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

From People:

Tom Cruise’s friend and fellow Scientologist Jenna Elfman is shooting down reports that the actor’s five-month marriage to Katie Holmes is unstable.

“Honestly, they’re happy,” Elfman, 35, told PEOPLE at Thursday’s Healthy Child Healthy World benefit in Santa Monica.

“They have a great life and they love each other. For some reason, the media cannot experience that. They must put in things other than the simplicity of it.”

I liked Jenna much better when she was playing goofy yoga chick Dharma. I could actually handle some New Age anaylsis of TomKat. Maybe there’s some planetary alignment aspect to the conspiracy laden marriage that I don’t know about. But real-life Jenna is just sucking up to the head wackjob in the Celebrity Center. Guess she’ll be sitting at the VIP table at the next auditing fundraiser.

Tyra Banks Spins Her Dine and Dash

Tyra Banks is blaming her dine and dash on a “miscommunication.” Apparently when Tyra was out with hip hop mogul Russell Simmons and his kids neither of them bothered to pay the bill. And Tyra got called out on it later. Probably because no one knew who Russell Simmons was.

From TMZ:

Earlier this week Tyra Banks joined Russell Simmons, along with his children Ming, 7, and Aoki, 4, at the Brooklyn Diner in midtown Manhattan, and accidentally skipped out on the tab. Tyra’s misstep was reported in the Daily News on Wednesday, and Tyra was confronted about it by “The View” co-host Joy Behar on Thursday. To hear Tyra explain it, it was simply a misunderstanding: Tyra thought Russell was paying, and Russell thought she was paying. Tyra returned to the resto at the end of the week to pay the bill, and handed waiter Guillermo Marquez a $100 tip.

So basically, Tyra said “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll get it.” And Russell said “No, please let me get it.” Then Tyra said “Oh no, let me.” Then they both got up to use the bathroom and secretly split hoping to leave the other one holding the bill. Classic, but Tyra should have peed faster.

Ancient pics of Tyra looking hefty…but they make me laugh.

Britney Spears Wants To Tells All

Hold on to your reading glasses, y’all. Britney Spears is writtin’ a book. The publishing world is practically drooling in their Da Vinci Codes over the possibility that Brit is ready to tell all.

From Metro:

The tell-all book will apparently spill the beans on what life was like for the singer when she was dating Justin Timberlake, according to America’s Star magazine, as well as dishing the dirt on her marriage to Kevin Federline.
It quotes a source who claims: ‘Britney blames most of her problems with drugs and alcohol on the heartache she experienced years before, during her time with Justin – she couldn’t trust him.’

The rumored going price for Britney’s written equivalent of the Jerry Springer Show is $10 million. I just love the idea of Britney sitting at her laptop and asking her nanny “how do you spell those kids’ names?” And because I can’t stop…she should also ask how to spell fried, Cheetos, has-been and stupidity.

Hollywood Hotness Bash

So last week US Magazine threw a Hollywood hotness fest. It was basically just a bunch of celebs sitting around congratulating each other for being pretty. A true meeting of the minds in the Holly Hood. And don’t think I’m just being bitchy because I wasn’t invited. It was actually called US Magazine’s Hot Hollywood Party.

So here are some of the folks that were deemed worthy by US Magazine. Lindsay Lohan was there (no word how many casualities her driver caused getting her there). Jennifer Lopez received the Style Icon of the Year Award (so she showed up with metallic eyeshadow and a cadaverous hubby on her arm). Ashlee Simpson and Carmen Electra were both looking pretty good on the red carpet. And of course Paris Hilton and her wonky eye showed up looking really pissed off about something…maybe the monkey bit her again.

See, now it’s just like you were there.

Lindsay Lohan’s Driver is About to be Fired

Lindsay Lohan is such a bad driver that even her driver can’t drive. And the guy needs a serious attitude adjustment. While Mr. Something Zagata was waiting to pick up Lindsay he reportedly hit Antonia Bennett’s car. That would be the daughter of Tony Bennett. And then he was shocked that she didn’t immediately recognize him.

The New York Post has Antonia’s side of the story:

“[He] was hostile with me. He ran into me, then got out of his car and started yelling at me.” Her manager, Keya Morgan, said Zagata was waiting to pick up Lohan in the parking lot of the recording studio in Burbank and talking on his cellphone when “he hit Antonia’s car. Then he has the nerve to jump out and scream, ‘Don’t you know who I am? I represent Lindsay Lohan! How dare you get in my way!’ He had no idea who Antonia was.” Morgan said that Zagata tried to blame Antonia “but [that] there were six witnesses, including the security guard who saw him ram her.” He said that Antonia was shaken up and that her car suffered close to $2,000 in damages.

Dude, you’re the driver…and apparently you suck at it. The only time you “represent” Lindsay is when you try to convince the paparazzi that she isn’t really drunk, just tired.

Angeline Jolie is Too Skinny

What is going on with Angelina Jolie? I know she’s got (wait, let me count) 4 kids now and her mom just passed away, but good heavens, someone get this girl a cheeseburger, or a veggie burger, or a protein shake. I saw these pics and I seriously couldn’t believe my overly critical eyes. Angie is wasting away. She’s so skinny she’s making Nicole Richie look like the picture of good health. Angie, skip Africa this month and hit a spa with an all you can eat buffet.