Matthew McConaughey Half-Naked

Matthew McConaughey has found the role he was born to play. Here he is on the set of his new movie Surfer Dude still looking ripped and still wandering around without a shirt. And no, I don’t really have a story here. I just want to look at my future husband showing off all his sexiness.

Maybe this is Matt’s way of doing his part to protect the environment. He’s saving hundreds of little cotton shrubs by refusing to cover up his manly chest. And let me just say thank you, Matthew.

Paula Abdul Wants To Be Treated Nicely

Wacky and sometimes slurred American Idol judge Paula Abdul was allegedly caught in a pity-party conference call. Page Six has reportedly obtained a transcript of Paula on the phone with a whole gaggle of pr peeps bashing her publicist Howard Bragman and having a full fledged meltdown.

Quotes of the call from Page Six:

I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time…I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover..I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way…Howard Bragman on Monday – he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man…I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Wow, this is a connect the dots kind of ramble. Can you just imagine a room full of American Idol staffers sitting around a table munching on donuts and listening to Paula whine? My guess is they had her on speaker and there was one person designated to say “uh-huh, I see” every few minutes while the rest of them played Mad-Libs.

Calum Best’s Threesome Caught on Tape

Wow, that Calum Best is a winner. His maybe girlfriend probably ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan gets her drunk ass tossed in rehab and he makes the news for doing the nasty with two hookers and a pile of cocaine.

The Sun has the scoop on Calum’s wild night:

The TV Love Island hunk was videoed during a frenzy of drug-fuelled depravity lasting three hours. Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he: SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on.LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn. SHOUTED at one of them to “take a f*****g line” as drugs were laid out … Then he dropped his pants as the girls — who used a rolled-up banknote to snort coke off a glass table — simultaneously pleasured him. Calum necked vodka and wine as he switched partners or romped with both. Gripped by lust he used his mobile phone to film a girl pleasuring him — just as he did with MICK JAGGER’s daughter JADE. After nearly three hours the girls asked a complaining Calum to leave — only for him to demand they should “learn some manners”.

Yeah, cause rude hookers are just buzzkills. But I guess after seeing what Lindsay looks like after a night of partying (see below) can you blame the guy for trolling the streets for someone conscious?

Nicole Richie Only Lets the Skinny Chicks Party

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but Nicole Richie is freaky skinny. I don’t really like seeing thongs hanging out of jeans, I certainly don’t want to see ribs and collarbones poking through skin. Yuck.

Anyway, go figure, but I was left off the guest list for Nicole’s Memorial Day party. Want to know why…because I eat.

Here’s the invite:

From: Nicole Richie
Subject: Masha and Nicole’s Memorial Day Party

My fellow Americans its that time of year
To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let’s stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems
Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!
There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Of course Nicole was joking. But not really. There’s not actually a scale at the door. Except for the huge digital scale at the front door with an automated voice that announces your weigh to everyone in the room. Unless you’re Nicole Richie and then the voice just says “Damn girl, eat something!”

Britney Spears Vomit Party

Britney Spears may be typing feel good messages to her fans on her website telling them how her life is back on track, but all is not well in Britney Land. The recently rehabbed Brit was recently fished out of a hotel bathroom after puking all over herself.

From The Sun:

Out of it, she was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.”…”Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it’ but I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.”…The source added: “It was really sad. Everyone thinks she’s getting back on track after her comeback shows but that’s clearly not the case. I think she needs proper help.”

Yeah, like someone to hold her wig when she yaks.

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer Sulk in Public

Looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back together. At least together enough to fight in public and make each other look miserable. And if that’s not love, what is? But what an odd couple. John looks like a vampire lumberjack and Jessica looks like the understudy from Return to the Blue Lagoon.

Personally, I think fighting is like sex. Get off the streets, get a room and keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.

Britney Spears Speaks to Her Fans

Britney Spears has posted a new message for her fans on her website. A really long, and I mean really long, heartfelt, don’t listen to the tabloids and that bitch at Celebrity Rumors (I added that part), here’s the real me, kind of message. And did I mention that it’s long? Anyway, here are a few of the highlights. I’d cut and paste the whole thing, but you’d all fall asleep at your computers and I don’t want to be responsible for you waking up with keyboard face.

On rehab:

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don’t think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD.

No, Brit you were like a drunk on the loose in Vegas. On who’s to blame for her meltdown (because it sure ain’t her):

I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn’t know who to go to….I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce.

Hoochie flashing and head shaving isn’t normal for anyone. On how no one really understands her:

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am.

No, I think we’ve got a pretty good idea of who you are Brit.

Lindsay Lohan Heads Back to Rehab

Even getting busted for DUI, underage drinking and possibly drug possession wasn’t enough to slow down the Lindsay Lohan party train. Lilo partied the night away at Teddy’s and then stumbled out the club around 4am. The she promptly passed out. Her bud Samantha Rosen and the bouncers managed to get Linds into the car, but girlfriend was wasted.

And maybe seeing these less than flattering shots have finally given Linds the wake-up call she needed. Lindsay has checked back into rehab. This time reportedly at the Promises Center. And I don’t think they have an open door policy.

Here’s the official statement from the Lohan camp (courtesy of TMZ):

“Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility.”

Hey Lindsay, give rehab a shot this time. It might actually work.

The Fight Over Justin Timberlake

Someone go find that Japanese hero guy cause Cameron Diaz is about to go nuclear. Still not quite over her break-up with Justin Timberlake ex-girlfriend Cam and Jessica Biel, aka the new girlfriend currently hitting the sheets with Mr. Sexy Back, are both scheduled to present at the MTV Movie Awards.

From TMZ:

Cameron Diaz and Jessica Biel — the ex GF and current paramour of Justin Timberlake — will both be presenting at the upcoming MTV Movie Awards, reports Page Six, and handlers are doing everything “to keep Cam and Jess far apart,” admitting that the situation is creating “a mess.”…Says the source, “Cameron’s looking a little unstable lately.”

Of course we all remember that Cameron went ballistic when she spotted JT and Jessica getting all flirty at a party back in January. Personally, I think a confrontation will be good for everyone (and by everyone I really mean me and my fellow gossip whores). Get those feelings of abandonment and insecurity out in the open. Plus, Jessica would kick Cam’s ass and who doesn’t want to see that?

Mischa Barton Gets Sick

Former OC star Mischa Barton may not have a good reason for still being famous, because seriously skinny only takes you so far, but apparently she’s got a good reason to see the doctor.

From TMZ:

“…the former “OC” star was at a friend’s Memorial Day BBQ enjoying a few holiday cocktails when she began to feel extremely ill. Mischa, who has been quite sick with bronchitis since traveling to Cannes, London and Paris the past several weeks, apparently didn’t get the memo — you can’t drink alcohol while taking antibiotics!”

Now I’m not saying Mischa is toking up in the above pic, but does that really look like a good cure for bronchitis?