Matthew McConaughey Half-Naked

Matthew McConaughey has found the role he was born to play. Here he is on the set of his new movie Surfer Dude still looking ripped and still wandering around without a shirt. And no, I don’t really have a story here. I just want to look at my future husband showing off all his sexiness.

Maybe this is Matt’s way of doing his part to protect the environment. He’s saving hundreds of little cotton shrubs by refusing to cover up his manly chest. And let me just say thank you, Matthew.

Matthew McConaughey Half-Naked

Matthew McConaughey has found the role he was born to play. Here he is on the set of his new movie Surfer Dude still looking ripped and still wandering around without a shirt. And no, I don’t really have a story here. I just want to look at my future husband showing off all his sexiness.

Maybe this is Matt’s way of doing his part to protect the environment. He’s saving hundreds of little cotton shrubs by refusing to cover up his manly chest. And let me just say thank you, Matthew.

Paula Abdul Wants To Be Treated Nicely

Wacky and sometimes slurred American Idol judge Paula Abdul was allegedly caught in a pity-party conference call. Page Six has reportedly obtained a transcript of Paula on the phone with a whole gaggle of pr peeps bashing her publicist Howard Bragman and having a full fledged meltdown.

Quotes of the call from Page Six:

I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time…I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ‘American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover..I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way…Howard Bragman on Monday – he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man…I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Wow, this is a connect the dots kind of ramble. Can you just imagine a room full of American Idol staffers sitting around a table munching on donuts and listening to Paula whine? My guess is they had her on speaker and there was one person designated to say “uh-huh, I see” every few minutes while the rest of them played Mad-Libs.

Nicole Richie Only Lets the Skinny Chicks Party

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but Nicole Richie is freaky skinny. I don’t really like seeing thongs hanging out of jeans, I certainly don’t want to see ribs and collarbones poking through skin. Yuck.

Anyway, go figure, but I was left off the guest list for Nicole’s Memorial Day party. Want to know why…because I eat.

Here’s the invite:

From: Nicole Richie
Subject: Masha and Nicole’s Memorial Day Party

My fellow Americans its that time of year
To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let’s stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems
Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!
There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Of course Nicole was joking. But not really. There’s not actually a scale at the door. Except for the huge digital scale at the front door with an automated voice that announces your weigh to everyone in the room. Unless you’re Nicole Richie and then the voice just says “Damn girl, eat something!”

Britney Spears Vomit Party

Britney Spears may be typing feel good messages to her fans on her website telling them how her life is back on track, but all is not well in Britney Land. The recently rehabbed Brit was recently fished out of a hotel bathroom after puking all over herself.

From The Sun:

Out of it, she was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.”…”Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it’ but I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.”…The source added: “It was really sad. Everyone thinks she’s getting back on track after her comeback shows but that’s clearly not the case. I think she needs proper help.”

Yeah, like someone to hold her wig when she yaks.

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer Sulk in Public

Looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back together. At least together enough to fight in public and make each other look miserable. And if that’s not love, what is? But what an odd couple. John looks like a vampire lumberjack and Jessica looks like the understudy from Return to the Blue Lagoon.

Personally, I think fighting is like sex. Get off the streets, get a room and keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.

Calum Best’s Threesome Caught on Tape

Wow, that Calum Best is a winner. His maybe girlfriend probably ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan gets her drunk ass tossed in rehab and he makes the news for doing the nasty with two hookers and a pile of cocaine.

The Sun has the scoop on Calum’s wild night:

The TV Love Island hunk was videoed during a frenzy of drug-fuelled depravity lasting three hours. Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he: SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on.LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn. SHOUTED at one of them to “take a f*****g line” as drugs were laid out … Then he dropped his pants as the girls — who used a rolled-up banknote to snort coke off a glass table — simultaneously pleasured him. Calum necked vodka and wine as he switched partners or romped with both. Gripped by lust he used his mobile phone to film a girl pleasuring him — just as he did with MICK JAGGER’s daughter JADE. After nearly three hours the girls asked a complaining Calum to leave — only for him to demand they should “learn some manners”.

Yeah, cause rude hookers are just buzzkills. But I guess after seeing what Lindsay looks like after a night of partying (see below) can you blame the guy for trolling the streets for someone conscious?

Nicole Richie Only Lets the Skinny Chicks Party

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but Nicole Richie is freaky skinny. I don’t really like seeing thongs hanging out of jeans, I certainly don’t want to see ribs and collarbones poking through skin. Yuck.

Anyway, go figure, but I was left off the guest list for Nicole’s Memorial Day party. Want to know why…because I eat.

Here’s the invite:

From: Nicole Richie
Subject: Masha and Nicole’s Memorial Day Party

My fellow Americans its that time of year
To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let’s stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems
Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!
There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!

Of course Nicole was joking. But not really. There’s not actually a scale at the door. Except for the huge digital scale at the front door with an automated voice that announces your weigh to everyone in the room. Unless you’re Nicole Richie and then the voice just says “Damn girl, eat something!”

Britney Spears Vomit Party

Britney Spears may be typing feel good messages to her fans on her website telling them how her life is back on track, but all is not well in Britney Land. The recently rehabbed Brit was recently fished out of a hotel bathroom after puking all over herself.

From The Sun:

Out of it, she was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.”…”Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it’ but I don’t know if she was drunk or not. The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.”…The source added: “It was really sad. Everyone thinks she’s getting back on track after her comeback shows but that’s clearly not the case. I think she needs proper help.”

Yeah, like someone to hold her wig when she yaks.

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer Sulk in Public

Looks like Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are back together. At least together enough to fight in public and make each other look miserable. And if that’s not love, what is? But what an odd couple. John looks like a vampire lumberjack and Jessica looks like the understudy from Return to the Blue Lagoon.

Personally, I think fighting is like sex. Get off the streets, get a room and keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep.