David Hasselhoff Gets the Kids

David Hasselhoff is so happy he could go for a run on the beach wearing little red shorts. The former Baywatch star and current America’s Got Talent judge has been awarded custody of his kids. This is a big deal because David was also the star of a home movie where he was drunk off his ass and slobbering all over a burger.

From TMZ:

Hasselhoff won primary physical custody and sole legal custody of the former couple’s two daughters. Sources day Pamela will have the kids from Friday to Sunday every other weekend. She could also have dinner with the kids Wednesday night, but that’s it.

We’re told the judge indicated he might be willing to change the ruling to a fifty-fifty split, but only if Bach attends anger management classes for a year and submits to drug and alcohol testing.

Sources tell TMZ a special master (a psychologist) appointed by the court interviewed the family extensively and determined that Pamela was abusive to her kids and refused to submit to drug and alcohol testing. The Hoff has voluntarily agreed to submit to alcohol testing.

Well this sounds like a happy and not at all dysfunctional family. The judge should have just put the kids in the custody of the talking car from Knight Rider. We all know KITT was the brains in that operation anyway.

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