Kevin Federline Won’t Sign Divorce Papers

Kevin Federline doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers. And it’s not because he wants his wacked out Britney Spears back, he wants to have it in writing that he can keep Britney from seeing their kids if she goes all loco again.

From People:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

Do you know obnoxious you have to be to make K-Fed’s ass pucker? But here’s a tip for Kevin if he starts wanting the kids again. Wait until Britney goes shopping and while she’s parading naked in front of the paparazzi, bribe the nanny, she’s probably the only one who would notice the rugrats were gone anyway.

Pics of Britney campaigning for mother of the year.

Paris Hilton Hits Hawaii

Here’s ex-con Paris Hilton trying to sneak into Maui for a vacation after her prison ordeal. Unfortunately her oh-so ingenious disguise didn’t work. Sure maybe the scraggly wig and straw hat would have kept her hidden from prying eyes…if she wasn’t Paris Hilton. I’m willing to bet that her disguise failed because when the security people at the airport told her she couldn’t bring her bottle of water through security, she opened her big mouth and told the guy “don’t you know who I am? I’m Paris Hilton” at the top of her lungs. And then when people whipped out their camera phones she struck her signature slouchy pose and did her best Mona Lisa smile. Then as she walked away she turned to the lackey carrying her bags and asked “how did they know it was me?”

Paris leaving jail…no disguise then.

Isaiah Washington is Still Pissed

Isaiah Washington isn’t exactly taking his firing from Grey’s Anatomy and the potential implosion of his career well. The unemployed and yet still talking actor has whipped out his deck of how to shift responsibility cards and has decided to plat the race card.

From TMZ (have I mentioned lately that I love TMZ?):

Former “Grey’s Anatomy” star Isaiah Washington talked to Newsweek recently, and he rips the show for firing him because, in part, he’s a black man “with a booming voice.” Actually, let’s let him explain: “It didn’t help me on the set that I was a black man who wasn’t a mush-mouth Negro walking around with his head in his hands all the time.”

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. Isaiah says an HR person told him that “some people” were “afraid” of him around the studio, to which he replied, “Why, because I’m a 6-foot-1 black man with dark skin and who doesn’t go around saying ‘Yessah, massa’ and ‘No sir, massa’ to everyone?”

Holy Kunte Kinte, Batman! Dude, maybe people were afraid of you because you were throwing down with Patrick Dempsey and calling the gay guy a nasty name. Race has nothing to do with it…a bad temper and the inherent inability to keep your mouth shut does.

But just our curiosity, in a showdown between racism and homophpbia, which oppressed minority wins? Gee, let me check the cast list for Grey’s this fall.

Pics of the still employed Katherine Heigl…because I like her better.

Lindsay Lohan is in Trouble

So the bad news for Lindsay Lohan is those pesky police know how to do their jobs. The hanging out in rehab celeb could be looking at more than a slap on the wrist for her recent (sorry, her most recent) car crash. It’s being reported that Lindsay was not only frat boy drunk the night of the curb wreck, but she had been sniffing the mirror as well.

From TMZ:

According to multiple law enforcement sources, toxicology reports conclude that Lohan, 20, had “nearly twice the legal limit” of alcohol and traces of blow in her bloodstream when she crashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb on Sunset Blvd. around 5:30 AM on May 26. In California, drivers with a .08 or higher are legally drunk. Police tell TMZ Lohan and two other adults were in the car at the time of the accident. After the crash, she was taken to a local hospital and treated for minor injuries, then placed under arrest on suspicion of DUI. Cops later said they found a “usable amount” of cocaine in the car.

We’re told that the Beverly Hills Police Dept. could present the case to the Los Angeles D.A. in the next few days.”

Maybe Paris has started a new trend and Lindsay will be doing her turn in the slammer sometime soon. In the meantime, here is Lindsay on another trip outside of Promises. And she must be staying clean because it looks like she’s trying to figure out if you can catch a buzz by sniffing pollen.

Paris Hilton Hits Hawaii

Here’s ex-con Paris Hilton trying to sneak into Maui for a vacation after her prison ordeal. Unfortunately her oh-so ingenious disguise didn’t work. Sure maybe the scraggly wig and straw hat would have kept her hidden from prying eyes…if she wasn’t Paris Hilton. I’m willing to bet that her disguise failed because when the security people at the airport told her she couldn’t bring her bottle of water through security, she opened her big mouth and told the guy “don’t you know who I am? I’m Paris Hilton” at the top of her lungs. And then when people whipped out their camera phones she struck her signature slouchy pose and did her best Mona Lisa smile. Then as she walked away she turned to the lackey carrying her bags and asked “how did they know it was me?”

Paris leaving jail…no disguise then.

Kevin Federline Won’t Sign Divorce Papers

Kevin Federline doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers. And it’s not because he wants his wacked out Britney Spears back, he wants to have it in writing that he can keep Britney from seeing their kids if she goes all loco again.

From People:

“Britney’s attorneys are anxious to see Kevin sign off on a divorce. But Kevin and his lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan are dragging their heels out of concern over reports of Britney’s post-rehab partying. [Federline] wants to make sure that the divorce document makes it simple enough for Kevin to downsize Britney’s access to her kids the next time her behavior troubles him.”

Do you know obnoxious you have to be to make K-Fed’s ass pucker? But here’s a tip for Kevin if he starts wanting the kids again. Wait until Britney goes shopping and while she’s parading naked in front of the paparazzi, bribe the nanny, she’s probably the only one who would notice the rugrats were gone anyway.

Pics of Britney campaigning for mother of the year.

Britney Murphy May Be A Little Crazy

Britney Murphy has always been a little bit wacky and honestly that’s part of her quirky charm. But now she may have crossed the line between wacky and just plain nutty. It’s rumored that Britney think she is being stalked by a high-powered Hollywood hotshot. Back when her boyfriend/fiancee Simon Monjack disappeared for 10 days, Britney thought he had been kidnapped and she told at least one employee that she couldn’t pay his salary because she had to fork over the ranson money. Told you…kooky.

From The New York Daily News:

“When he came back, he had head injuries,” says the former insider. “He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing.” Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom … Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack’s Imdb.com page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money.

Wow. That is a little out there. Which is too bad because I kind of like Britney Murphy. But if she actually paid money for this guy, Britney might truly be “clueless.” Yeah, yeah I know…the joke was obvious.

Spice Girls Reunion

Girl Power is back. Of course now its more like Mommy Power, but whatever. The Spice Girls are getting back together for a reunion tour. Hmmm…nope, still don’t care, but here are some of the details.

From The Daily Mail:

The girl band will kick off a world tour in America. The five – now all in their thirties – will start on 7 December in Los Angeles – the new home of Posh Spice Victoria Beckham and her family…The reunion tour, which is set to hit London on December 15 and take in Madrid, Koln, Las Vegas, Sydney, Cape Town and Buenos Aires among others…will certainly be lucrative for the Spices. They are expected to pocket about £10 million each.”

And in honor of this not-at-all anticipated reunion of lip-synching, tell the nanny to take the kids to soccer moms, I have renamed all the Spices. Robo Spice, Whatever Happened to Her Spice, Hippie Spice, The Blonde One and Gonna Make Eddie Murphy Pay Spice. You can decide which one is which…like it matters.

Britney Spears Won’t Sing

Britney Spears will not be performing with Cyndi Lauper on her tour. Apparently to sing with Cyndi you have to actually…you know, sing.

From Metro:

Anyone hoping to see Britney Spears perform at Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors tour at L.A.’s Greek Theater on Saturday will be sorely disappointed. Spears’ choreographer, Misha Gabriel, told People magazine she would hit the stage with Lauper, Rosie O’Donnell, Erasure, Debbie Harry and The MisShapes. But a source told Page Six, “There’s no way. Britney said she would only dance or lip-sync – and to be on stage with Cyndi, you have to actually perform.

The good news is that Britney knows her own limitations. Girlfriend can still shake her money maker, but she isn’t up to singing. The bad news, everyone else knows it too.

Britney Spears Won’t Sing

Britney Spears will not be performing with Cyndi Lauper on her tour. Apparently to sing with Cyndi you have to actually…you know, sing.

From Metro:

Anyone hoping to see Britney Spears perform at Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors tour at L.A.’s Greek Theater on Saturday will be sorely disappointed. Spears’ choreographer, Misha Gabriel, told People magazine she would hit the stage with Lauper, Rosie O’Donnell, Erasure, Debbie Harry and The MisShapes. But a source told Page Six, “There’s no way. Britney said she would only dance or lip-sync – and to be on stage with Cyndi, you have to actually perform.

The good news is that Britney knows her own limitations. Girlfriend can still shake her money maker, but she isn’t up to singing. The bad news, everyone else knows it too.