Owen Wilson Hospitalized

More serious news. The Butterscotch Stallion Owen Wilson reportedly tried to off himself and ended up in the hospital. No has has confirmed that this was a suicide attempt so it could be that the likeable and oddly attractive master of highlights accidentaly swallowed a bunch of pills and sliced his wrist open. Hey most accidents happen at home, you know.

Owen has since asked for privacy so that he can heal and rumors are flying as to what caused Owen to allegedly try to cash in his chips. Me, I’m guessing someone sent him a script for Shanghai Noon Part 3 titled “It’s Mostly About Jackie Chan Doing Cool Sh**.”

Pics of Owen’s supposed ex-girlie Kate Hudson. Cause its less depressing.

Lindsay Lohan Rumored Rehab Relapse

Here’s a shocker. Lindsay Lohan maybe having “issues” in rehab. And by issues I mean getting wasted and banging fellow rehabbers in the bathroom. Ah Lindsay, how we’ve missed you.

From A Socialite’s Life:

“Lindsay got called into the director’s office on Aug. 15 and was questioned about drugs. When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the program she’d have to leave.”

What, the nature walks, kayaking and tanning sessions aren’t helping? Color me astonished. Now can we get to the electroshock stuff?

Jessica Simpson is Looking Good

So I’m looking at these pics of Jessica Simspon sucking in her tummy and sticking out her boobs and I’m wondering…is it possible to actually suffocate yourself by sucking in your gut? I mean she doesn’t look blue or anything, but it can’t be healthy to hold your breath that long.

Anyway, here’s Jess filling out her tank top in all the right places. Yeah, she looks good and if that floats your boat, go for it.

Paris Parties with Kid Rock

Wow, now there’s a fun couple. Check out Kid Rock (and his ass) hanging with a newly shorn Paris Hilton at the Polaroid Beach House. How many comunicable diseases do you think are swimming that hot tub right about now? Yikes!

I’ll bet instead of a hired hand passing out towels at the pool they’ve got a nurse handing out antibiotics.

I know I should make some snarky comment about Kid’s ass hanging out, but really what can you say when you come face to face with that? Remember, kids, crack is whack.

Oh and if anyone cares, I think I like Paris’ new do.

Photos courtesy of Splash

Bad News for Britney

Oh sh**! Britney Spears may have bigger problems than her tanked career and bad weave.

From TMZ:

TMZ has learned Britney Spears is being investigated for possible child abuse.

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court.

We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.

A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

Damn, that’s serious stuff. I’m not good with serious. What can I say, sarcasm is my defense mechanism and keeps me from dealing with reality. It was more fun to make jokes about Britney stuffing her kids into pies or selling them to her Cheetos dealer when it was just make believe. But now it’s all awkward.

Photos courtesy of Flynet

Bad News for Britney

Oh sh**! Britney Spears may have bigger problems than her tanked career and bad weave.

From TMZ:

TMZ has learned Britney Spears is being investigated for possible child abuse.

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court.

We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.

A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

Damn, that’s serious stuff. I’m not good with serious. What can I say, sarcasm is my defense mechanism and keeps me from dealing with reality. It was more fun to make jokes about Britney stuffing her kids into pies or selling them to her Cheetos dealer when it was just make believe. But now it’s all awkward.

Photos courtesy of Flynet

Jessica Alba in Her Skinny Jeans

So here’s Jessica Alba looking all sexy and fun loving at what looks like some sort of carnival.

Now, my question is if someone with a camera spotted Jess looking all pretty on the midway throwing balls into a clown’s mouth or tossing rings over glass bottles, why couldn’t anyone grab a shot of her hanging upside down on that boat that flips around or stuffing her face with funnel cakes?

Is one picture of a glamorous star losing her lunch after riding the Zipper too much to ask?

Paris Parties with Kid Rock

Wow, now there’s a fun couple. Check out Kid Rock (and his ass) hanging with a newly shorn Paris Hilton at the Polaroid Beach House. How many comunicable diseases do you think are swimming that hot tub right about now? Yikes!

I’ll bet instead of a hired hand passing out towels at the pool they’ve got a nurse handing out antibiotics.

I know I should make some snarky comment about Kid’s ass hanging out, but really what can you say when you come face to face with that? Remember, kids, crack is whack.

Oh and if anyone cares, I think I like Paris’ new do.

Photos courtesy of Splash

Jessica Simpson is Looking Good

So I’m looking at these pics of Jessica Simspon sucking in her tummy and sticking out her boobs and I’m wondering…is it possible to actually suffocate yourself by sucking in your gut? I mean she doesn’t look blue or anything, but it can’t be healthy to hold your breath that long.

Anyway, here’s Jess filling out her tank top in all the right places. Yeah, she looks good and if that floats your boat, go for it.

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal Share an Island

Photo courtesy of Flynet

Secret sweeties Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are still keeping their “are they even together” relationship on the quiet. But the equally pretty Reese and Jake are reportedly both spending time on Martha’s Vineyard.

From TMZ:

Jakey G, wearing his best pair of homemade capris, is vacationing on the island after wrapping his new film, “Rendition,” — in which he co-stars with the hot, Oscar-toting Reese Witherspoon. Reports say Reese’s Pieces are on the island as well!

Coincidence or secret snuggling rendez-vous? Or if they were an item but aren’t anymore, maybe it’s just an awkward travel arrangement.