Natalie Portman Does a Nude Scene

Personally, I don’t get all the hullabaloo about Natalie Portman. Sure she’s pretty enough, but every man with a penis that likes girls is all hot and bothered over Natalie’s newest short film Hotel Chevalier because Nat flashes her naked bottom and a little side boob.

Is it because she seems so aloof and untouchable? Is it some unshakable Star Wars fantasy like Princess Leia in the gold bikini? I mean here’s Natalie in some truly artistic work of movie magic and the only thing guys will be thinking is “Dude, that’s Luke Skywalker’s mom’s ass.”

Toilet du Skank.

Courtney Love wants to join the marketing ranks of J. Lo and Britney while in search of a perfume designer willing to put her face and name on a floral aroma. Early marketing studies are proving to be unfavorable for the skanky lead singer of Hole. Apparently women are not enticed by the promise of smelling like stale cigs, sweaty feet and vaginosis. Perhaps Courtney should venture into the bait and tackle market.
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Rapper T.I. may miss the BET awards…

Who? Apparently hes famous. Anyway, Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr., AKA: T.I. has been arrested and remains in custody after practically every law enforcement agency in this hemisphere showed up to serve the arrest and search warrants. The list of agencies who attended this afternoons festivities include: The ATF, U.S. Marshalls: Fugitive Task Force, Fulton County SWAT, Fulton County PD, Dekalb County PD, and the ATF/Atlanta PD Violent Crime Impact Team.Jesus, what the hell did you DO Clifford? No information as to the charges is available at the moment but we’ll bring it to you as soon as we get it.

He currently has a film project with Denzel due to be released in november and was scheduled to perform on the BET Hip Hop Awards.

Hope you didn’t kill anyone Cliff, and don’t drop the soap.

Crystal meth makes you shrink?

Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab and expected to report to jail anytime to serve the 1 day for her various driving arrests from July. Yes, you read it right. ONE DAY. No news there, cept I’m wondering what the over/under is on her getting out after doing only 4 hours.Anyway, whats got me curious is this remarkable loss of 4 inches in height in only five days. WTH?

Do breast implants float?

Pam’s future ex husband Rick Salomon can’t be happy about this picture. I mean hell, they’ve only been married 3 minutes or something and here she is being swept off her feet by Airline Magnate Richard Branson.The photo was taken yesterday at the Wynn Hotel in Vegas, at a launch party celebrating a new Virgin Airlines flight. I’m surprised Pam can go anywhere near any event to do with the word virgin without breaking down into hysterics.All I can say is that if shes gonna be the new Virgin Airlines standard flotation device, I’m taking the bus.

Britney Spears sex tape? Please God. No.

It seems while Britney was on vacation in Hawaii in June (and we can only assume falling down drunk) she was filmed doing the nasty with a 28 year old man who just happened to have placed a camera somewhere in the bungalow at the Four Seasons where this drunken romp took place.

I dunno about you but I can live without it. I for one, hope he means it when he says that he may not release the video because, and I quote the InTouch article: "he was so disappointed by his own performance, he is embarrassed to let the rest of the world see it".

My prayer is this: Dear God, I have no desire whatsoever to have my inbox flooded with two thousand emails a day containing links to a video of this rancid has been stripper getting banged by what is probably a scruffy pot smoking beach bum with a surfboard on the roof of his Yugo. So please God, don’t let this video ever see the light of day. Thank you.

More Robo-Posh Pics

So just in case you missed a Star Trek re-run or if you happen to have a hankering for Flash Gordon, here are more pics of Victoria Bekcham in Paris doing a photo shoot for some fashion mag that I can only imagine is really popular among the robot fetish crowd or intergalatic space travelers.

I’d say that what looks like a satirical take on Posh’s robot image is clever and whimsical, but I think its more likely that Posh just took a wrong turn in her closet and wandered down the costume aisle.

Katie Holmes Goes Shopping

Ok, so here’s Mrs. Tom Cruise formerly known, and at least a little respected, as Katie Holmes indulging in one her seemingly great passions in life…doing a freakishly good impersonation of her nutty husband. No, wait, I mean shopping. That’s right, she loves shopping. The slow transformation into a younger looking Tom Cruise is just for fun.

Photos courtesy of Splash

Kiefer Sutherland Will Do Time

Television world saver Kiefer Sutherland will do time for his latest DUI arrest. The 24 star was sentenced by a Los Angeles judge to 48 days in lock up.

From TMZ:

Kiefer will do 18 days for the probation violation, surrendering December 21. He will serve an additional 30 days for the current DUI and must complete that sentence by July 1.

Based on what TMZ knows about production schedules, that would mean Kiefer is serving the bulk of his sentence when “24″ is on Christmas holiday and not in production — he may have agreed to the speedy disposition of the case in order to protect the show from having to shut down production.

Now that’s a professional for you. He schedules his jail time around his production schedule. You just don’t see old school Hollywood class like that much anymore.

Britney Follows Orders

Well look who finally figured out how to read a court order…that’s right, everybody’s favorite pop disaster Britney Spears. Britney has reportedly passed a drug test and has followed the rules for her supervised visitation with her sons. Hey y’all, she done did somethin’ right!

From TMZ:

Spears also had similar visitation yesterday and last Saturday, and she has accepted the fact that a parenting coach will be watching and making suggestions.

As we first reported, Britney would not open the door for the children last Thursday because she didn’t want anyone to tell her how to raise her kids.

Now she just needs to figure out how to fix her hair and her singing career. You go girlie!

Photos courtesy of Splash