Snookie carrying baby of unapologetic douchebag.

snookie, jersey shore, pregnant, Jionni LaValle,

Jionni LaValle is a potential father of Snookie’s unborn “some day regretful child.” He is wearing a shirt that reads, “give me a scotch, I’m starving.” He really has all the makings of a wonderful father. He also would seem to be a guy not ready for fatherhood. Well, that’s good news in a way, because he most likely isn’t Apparently the line is long for potential fathers, while its seemingly short for those hoping this pregnancy doesn’t end in a miscarriage.

“I hope for her sake … not to be rude or anything … but I hope she has a miscarriage.”
Emilio tells us he does believe Snooki will eventually be a good mother — but insists … there’s no way in fist-pumping hell she’s ready for it now.
According to Emilio, Snooki has always been flippant about having kids … and never really grasped the gravity of being pregnant — “When I was with her, she said she wanted twins. She would always say ‘Let’s have twins.’”
Emilio says, “I would def recommend her to get a paternity test to see who the father is because I’m sure there are other subjects” — adding, “Vinny could easily be the father.”

That’s from a dude that’s banged Snookie. Ouch!

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Megan Fox in a bikini and big accouncement.

Megan Fox, Kona, Brian Austin Green, Bikini, Hawaii, Beach

Hi Everyone,

I am sad to announce that Brian Austin Green was eaten by a big meanie shark while frolicking in the waters of Hawaii. He is survived by bikini hottie Megan Fox who is now, due to the big meanie shark incident, totally single and ready to move on and have rebound sex with someone that can prove totally unsuccessful and apathetic (Think “The Dude”).

Ok, I its not true. I mean the shark eating a douchebag part is a lie. I just wanted to make the peoples happy. I’m sorry. But Megan Fox was in a bikini and there are a ton of pictures. So there is that. Please forgive me? It was my own dirty fantasy at play.

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Jamie Pressly, she wears short shorts, also.

Jamie Pressly, My name is earl, Los angeles, park, short shorts

Jamie Pressly took her son to a park in Los Angeles, I found like near 40 pictures of this event. This would be a non-event, or at least maybe more like a 5 or 6 picture event, if it weren’t for Jamie choosing to wear short shorts and flex her “I’m still rocking a hot body” card. Its been a week of short shorts this week on Celebrity Rumors, remember Selena Gomez earlier this week? In case you don’t recognize her, think white trash hottie on My Name Is Earl. That’s her. Sexy, and mother of the year. Enjoy all the pictures my friends.

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Pitchers, Catchers and Jordan Carver report.

Jordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobs

During the offseason, the Los Angeles Angels signed the most highly sought after Major League Baseball player since Cleveland signed Ricky Vaughn. And this morning, they apparently signed the most sought after double play breast since Pamela Anderson. Yep, Jordan Carver is decked out in some Angels gear. You remember Jordan Carver, right? The hot big breasted german hot dog eating awesomeness?

Wait, F-You, are you saying that Ricky Vaughn wasn’t real? Do you mean that entire Cleveland Indians team never existed? Someone tell Tom Berenger to his face. And while you are at it, tell Will Ferrel that Santa Clause doesn’t exist.

Mean people….

Enjoy Jordan Carver’s amazing boob pictures. Or if you are just some sports weirdo, enjoy that part of it, I guess.

Jordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobsJordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobsJordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobsJordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobsJordan Carver, Los Angeles Angels, Orange County, Big boobs

Selena Gomez is “spring breaking” in Florida

Selena Gomez, St Petersburg, Spring Breakers

Selena Gomez was seen hanging out on a balcony in St. Petersburg, Florida, also parading around town, in the shortest shorts ever. She was on the set of a new Nair commercial. Just kidding, its for a new movie called “Spring Breakers.” Although it could be for “Nair,” or for “The Dukes of Hazards goes on Spring Break in Florida and Got Cell Phones Now.” I should write scripts. Oh yeah, Nair is so gross. Now I can’t look at her without thinking it. Thankfully, it was Justin Bieber that was shooting the Nair commercial. I found pictures, enjoy them.

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Kate Upton does some department store picture whoring.

kate upton, Liverpool Interlomas Department Store, Mexico City, Liverpool Fashion fest

Yes, yes, yes, Kate Upton is famous now, so famous she was just seen hanging out with Victor Cruz right after his New York Giants team won the Superbowl, so it only makes sense she’d hit the papparazi picture whoring circuit. And that started promptly in Mexico City at Liverpool Interlomas Department Store for  Liverpool Fashion fest. Her rack is looking bueno in these pictures. Almost as good as my spanish.

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Katy Perry’s cleavage the new French Connection.

La Maison du Caviar Restaurant in Paris, cleavage, Katy Perry, Paris

Here are some pictures of Katy Perry at La Maison du Caviar Restaurant in Paris, she brought with her a fantastic cleavage shot, triumphantly overthrowing the Mona Lisa as the new most iconic french awesomeness. You could literally park a naval ship in this incredible cleavage. Obviously Russel Brand lost more than just $20 million in the divorce. Enjoy the sexy pictures.

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Jessica Alba LA Confidential photoshoot.

Jessica Alba, LA Confidential magazine, photoshoot

Jessica Alba graces the pages of LA Confidential magazine this month. For those of you that don’t do magazines because you live in the 21st century, I have put them up on this thing called the Internet for your viewing pleasure. Jessica can just never not look totally amazing. Her body has survived having two babies and marrying a total douchebag (Cash Warren), yet she still comes out shining like a fine diamond. Enjoy the pictures.

Jessica Alba, LA Confidential magazine, photoshootJessica Alba, LA Confidential magazine, photoshootJessica Alba, LA Confidential magazine, photoshootJessica Alba, LA Confidential magazine, photoshoot

January Jones seen in West Hollywood.

january jones, west hollywood, mad men

January Jones, who you might recognize as sultry yet shy housewife, Betty Francis, from the hit show Mad Men, was seen out in West Hollywood in her hip hugging tight jeans. She’s sexy in real life, also, folks, not just on the small screen.  She has super skin also. Ok, I am getting a bit creepy. Check out the pictures.

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Who’s banging a Vampire? Elizabeth Olsen, apparently.

The Film Independent Spirit Awards, Elizabeth Olsen, Alexander Sharsgard, True Blood

So apparently Elizabeth Olsen banged Alexander Skarsgard after the The Film Independent Spirit Awards that were held in Santa Monica. Apparently he took her by the arms, pressed her against the wall, slowly bit her neck, drank some of the blood, then…ok, ok…but Alexander plays Eric on HBO’s True Blood so I thought my shot at the sultry description was rather awesome.

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