Michelle Rodriguez christens the country of France with her bikini body.

michelle rodriguez, cannes, bikinis

Talk about the perfect blend of sexy and scarey, that’s what these Michelle Rodriguez pictures are. Sexy because her hard bikini body rocks. Scarey because she keeps jumping from things and I keep getting scared she may hurt herself.

Then again, the consummate opportunist in me thinks I do give some damn good CPR. Because that’s how I roll, always ready and willing to throw down a little tongue protruding CPR on a hot actress in a bikini on a beach that has fallen and can’t get up. I am a trained professional. My training includes rigorous run throughs using a blowup Hustler doll that I got at a garage sale in Downtown LA. If that’s not sacraficing for the greater good, I just don’t know what is then. A used blowup doll. I make out with it. All to save lives in the event that a bikini model takes a nasty tumble. My mission is clear, folks: Save bikini models lives. One day I will be called upon to do a great favor for the world, and because of Betsy (the garage sale doll’s name), I will be ready to take on the favor like a soldier storming the beaches of Normandy. Only this would be the beaches of Cannes or Malibu and there wouldn’t be gun fire, mostly just security likely attempting to escort me from the state ran beach.

But that’s neither here nor there. Please enjoy Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini.

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Audrina Patridge, still rocking in a bikini (sexy post)

audrina patridge, bikinis, cabo, mexico

Well first it was Heidi Montag and her plastic boobs making an appearance again, now it’s time for a little Audrina Patridge bikini time. Ah how I so miss The Hills! Crappy prewritten reality TV, chick fights, shallow conversations, and just basic television garbage. Oh, and most importantly, super hot chicks in bikinis. Audrina Patridge is definitely a favorite bikini girl of mine, seriously, check her out. She was replaced by Kate Upton in the Carl’s JR commercials (fair enough I’d say) but Audrina’s curves still got it. I guess when your claim to fame resume is a scripted reality show, TV jobs might be slower to come knocking, so that means just lots of time at the beach. In a bikini.

That’s what I’d do.

Well, you know what I mean. I wouldn’t exactly wear a bikini. Or if I did, you wouldn’t know about it because that is something I’d do in my secret Ninja life.

Enjoy Audrina Patridge in a bikini. I need to go change.

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I wonder if Kelly Brook also uses a pager while wearing a bikini?

kelly brook, boobs, pay phone, models, cannes,

It’s a reasonable question to ask, I mean here she is using a pay phone in a bikini while in Cannes. There is like one pay phone by where I live. Everyday that I pass it there is a homeless guy on it pretending to talk to the secret service about alien life forms in West Hollywood. Yep, that’s how relevant pay phones are today. Crazy homeless people are the only ones left using them, and that’s to communicate potential issues with evil aliens. Where is Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith and that black pug when you need them?

Ok, ok…I am missing the point. I get it. This was a model shoot. And model shoots don’t represent the literal world. They represent sultry fantasies and long range binoculars and late night drive byes and anonymous letters in the mail and …. I guess I should stop, model shoots mean something different to each person. Just kinda depends on the person.

What could Kelly possibly be talking about on that pay phone?

“Hi, my boobs are fantastic and huge.”

That’s it. That’s all she could be saying right now. Because that says everything about these pictures. Oh God now I am overheating. I may have to call that number I like to call. Hey, don’t hate…. whatever the case, this phone booth is now officially the most awesome phone booth since a phone booth in Gotham City turned Clark Kent into Superman…enjoy the pictures.

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Rhian Sugden’s amazing boobs, topless photos

Rhian Sugden, topless, bikinis, boobs

Let’s hypothetically pretend that your Saturday morning is absolutely awful right now. Your coffee taste stale. That chick you met last night at the bar won’t leave and she ain’t as hot as she was when you were dancing with her on the bar at that Cabo Booze Bar place. You can’t find your credit card.

Now lets change that. And quickly.

Enter Rhian Sugden’s naked boobs. Seriously, this is absolutely amazing. This shoot is done by M. White for Body and Mind. I have no idea what Body and Mind is. I have never heard of M. White. But what I will say is that Mr. White is welcome into my little LA apartment anytime he wants. Full lifetime pass. Because for what he has done, he has shooke’th the world. He has changed the fate of men’s Saturdays everywhere. In a way, he has united us, but taking pictures of Rhian Sugden topless. These boobs are absolutely amazing. And of course, this post is not safe for work. It’s also not safe for blood pressure. Deal with it, folks.

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Whoa, Micaela Schaefer rocks out on the red carpet, thong, topless.

micaela schaefer, thong, men in black 3, red carpet, boobs

I love the US of A. I love Bruce Springsteen. In fact, after this post, I plan to listen to Bruce’s Born In The USA just to clean myself of what I am about to say. But facts are hard to deny. Sometimes….other countries are just better than us. And I am not just talking about food or timezones. I am talking straight up hotness.

So this club chick that always seems to pop up on the red carpets arrived at the red carpet German premiere for Men In Black 3. My God, she’s hotness in her thong and topless deal going on. It appears just some confetti separates us from complete and full on nipple shots.  Not to mention her amazing ass that makes the country of Brazil even a little jealous.

Sorry to say, but you’d never see a red carpet entrance this good in Hollywood. I mean, the best we have is that Jennifer Lopez weird green Versace dress incident and that wasn’t near this great.

So that’s that. Right now it’s time for you to stop filing or doing whatever horrible office work you have to do and check out Micaela Schaefer being super hot and sexy. Remember, you are doing this for the world. It makes you more cultured. Yeah, that’s it…

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Aimee Teegarden models wet suit, keeps boobs protected

aimee teegarden, oceana, wetsuits, beach,

Oceana came out with a new wetsuit. The wetsuit is great for both surfing and diving and is made from a strong fabric that doesn’t let water in. Ok, it’s a wetsuit, of course water doesn’t get in. And really, that’s not what this post is about. Instead, its about Aimee Teegarden’s dry boobs that the wetsuit is clearly protecting.

Just so their is no misunderstanding, this blog is not a fashion blog, instead it’s a boob blog that talks about fashion only when it interrupts, or, as is the case this morning, accentuates boobs or buttocks of hot sexy models and celebrities and reality hoes. That pretty much sums up the experience here, or at least what the experience here should be.

In fact, lets just do a test real quick to find out whether or not you have what it takes to be worthy of reading this blog. Which of the following best describes how you feel right now:

1) Aimee Teegarden’s boobs look fantastic!
2) That wetsuit is sick, where can I purchase one?
3) I want to punch Spencer Pratt.

If you chose #2, you should leave now before things get way too awkward.

Fancy that, I just gave you a test. I hope you passed. If you did pass, your reward are these Aimee Teegarden sexy pictures.

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Rita Ora uses blindfolded makeup artist.

rita ora, tight dress, eurovision your country needs you,

Rita Ora, famous for auditioning for the Eurovision Song Contest in 2009, apparently uses blindfolded makeup artist. Either that or she visits Ghettoland Makeup Disasters, because his is a travesty. She clearly has a super hot body as the tight dress reveals, but what is with that eye liner and lipstick? Oh man, I feel like a 12 year old kid drew on her face with crayolas while boozing on Jim Beam.

I know I sound mean, but she is really hot, no need to destroy such a work of art. This would be like someone dumping a load of martian sewage all over the grand canyon. How crappy would that be? Pun totally intended. But seriously this situation is mortifying.

She has a new single out. These pictures are her promoting it. And promoting crayola. But just look at her body in this rubber like tight dress, unreal. Too bad Driving Miss Daisy is in charge of doing her makeup.

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MET Gala red carpet hotties, lots of pics.

met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch,

Hey look, it’s the pictures from the MET Gala “fashion Oscars.” I have compiled a ton of pictures of the hottest celebrity women. And Tom Brady. But guess who is missing??? Where’s Waldo might you ask? Well Miss Kardashian was banned from attending the event at the MET Gala. I just laughed a little inside. There were all kinds of red carpet hotness going on at this NYC event, but I have some notes that might help serve as your tour guide through some of the pictures.

Tom Brady was rocking this really weird faux hawk but it was on one side of the head. Best way to describe it is to remember when you were in middle school and al the boys parted their hair on one side because it was rad to do. Tom Brady is rad.

Katherine McPhee was the hottest one in attendance. She’s a red carpet show stealer. Now that she has the show Smash, she’s all the rage and I expect her hotness in more places.

Kate Upton. Hot. Yes. Obvious.

January Jones is looking good again. She has snapped back nicely since the baby. Will she actually start appearing in Mad Men again? What happened? I need my Mrs. Draper fill, she’s the hottest housewife in the game.

Chloe Sevigny is kinda weird. But kinda hot. Remember when she did Kids? Whoa….blast from the past.

Please enjoy all the hotness in these pictures from the MET Gala.

met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch, met gala, january jones, beyonce, scarlett johansson, kate upton, cameron diaz, camilla belle, chloe sevigny, gwyneth paltrow, carey mulligan, marcus mumford, jessica chastain, paula patton, katherine mcphee, tom brady, gisele bundchen, abbie cornish, florene welch,

Miley Cyrus went to Disneyland, Bra sat this one out.

myley cyrus, disneyland, bra, stomach

Miley Cyrus is a home is where the heart is girl, she went to Disneyland this week. However after a lengthy debate, her bra was asked to stay back at home. As everyone already knows, Miley got her start in Disney and most of her movies come from the company, so it would only make sense that she would go boobs flailing to the wonderful world of magic and fantasy.

She got to hop on the rides as well, where she screamed like crazy. I have to say I went to Disneyland a few weeks ago and got on the same ride and didn’t get the same thrill AT ALL. I want my money back. I thought the place sucked. The only decent ride was the Indiana Jones ride, I swear I discovered the Ark in there.

Miley also flashes stomach at the family style theme park, making her a potential candidate for Satan. Because only Satan would scantily dress for Disneyland when they are like the park’s pop culture icon. Even Mickey Mouse was turned on, I heard he had to take a break or two during the day.

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Woody Allen goes for easy date, with Lindsay Lohan.

lindsay lohan, woody allen, philippe, manhattan

Woody Allen took Lindsay Lohan out for dinner this weekend. Hmmm…maybe since Scarlett Johansson is trying to find new bags to put all her Avengers money in, Allen is trying to find a new girl to work in his movies. Remember, the likes of Diane Keaton came from Woody Allen’s films, so Lindsay would do herself a huge favor by laying off the partying and taking up Woody on his potential offer.

Or, being there are two sides to every coin, and being that I am a professional journalist and must examine the every angles and be fair. Maybe Lindsay took Woody out to see if he would be interested in doing blow for the next year’s worth of time at Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood? You see how that works? Investigative journalism?

Phone calls to both Woody and Lindsay were not returned. Well, at least not returned by them. An actual investigator did call me and tell me not to call either of them ever again and something about 100 yards, I didn’t really get it all.  Here is more.

“They had dinner together [Saturday] in New York,” Lohan’s rep tells PEOPLE. “Lindsay very much admires Mr. Allen.”

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