Victoria’s Secret is that Miranda Kerr is about to make your weekend.

miranda kerr, victorias secret, lingerie

Are you hungover this morning? Well before you have that bloody mary and paradise pancakes from iHop, I have brought to you a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model shoot with Miranda Kerr. Yes, Minranda Kerr, the paradise within your pancakes. The wings beneath your libido. The endless lame metaphors that I will stop immediately.

Miranda is a buddhist who is known to chant every morning and night. I somehow think this is total BS because no way would she do something like that and ruin my image of her. Unless she practices this Buddhism naked, which would then make up considerable ground. She also says coconut oil is the key to her incredible looks.

One second, I need to go online and mass order coconut oil. I am going to start sneaking this stuff into the whoppers of some of the girls that I date and see if it helps any.

I hope Miranda Kerr in lingerie and half naked makes your Saturday even better.

miranda kerr, victorias secret, lingeriemiranda kerr, victorias secret, lingeriemiranda kerr, victorias secret, lingeriemiranda kerr, victorias secret, lingerie

Michelle Hunziker. Bikini. Miami. Really you need more? Just click….

michele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swiss

Sigh, really, what else do you need to know here?

Oh wait, maybe I should have led with The Swiss Family Robinson missing their hot MILF member. Now Found.

My bad.

An oncoming MILF with a hot body laying out in Miami. I say oncoming because she is still early 30s and I am not sold that’s complete MILF status as it seems unfair to the other MILFs competing for queen body title. I mean, look at Michelle Hunzinker in her gold laden bikini laying out in tropical Miami. This story has less holes in it than swiss cheese, its literally perfect. Sexy foreign girl bikini Miami bad-Pamela-Anderson-tattoo. Its all the components that win journalist like me Pulitzers.

Now that you are just rotting away in your cubicle waiting for 5:00 to roll around so you can hit the happy hour and get some $1.50 Coronas and get so messy that you slobber on some random girl’s friends taco platter, you can now peruse a swiss model’s bikini pictures. That’s a dignified way to spend your crappy work hours. And that’s all due to my fantastic journalistic skills. You see how that works?

michele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swiss

Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian to attend White House dinner.

lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale,

And in other news, Hitler’s hologram has been invited to speak at the Museum of Tolerance this weekend in Los Angeles. Ok, maybe not, but did you notice how it beheld the same fury of total shock and disgust? Apparently this is all on Gret Van Sustren. Shocker.

via Gawker:
Kardashian was invited by the news network; Greta Van Susteren and her husband John Coale invited Lohan.
Kardashian is no stranger to the gala, having attended in 2010 with Van Susteren. Her plus-one for the evening will be momager Kris Jenner. Lohan’s publicist told WaPo’s The Reliable Source that his client will be bringing along her defense attorney Shawn Holley.

Because of this ridiculousness, Greta Van Sustren is somehow pulling the impractical and becoming more annoying than her dinner guest Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan. Why? Because she somehow is pompous enough to think that inviting these two will make her appear to be above the laws of not looking like an idiot. This is kinda like when you see some douchebag on the street wearing an Affliction shirt and you are all like “idiot douchebag,” but then you see that same shirt on say a big UFC fighter like Chuck Liddel and you are all like “he is bad a#$.”

Kardashian and Lohan are the bad Affliction shirt that are still bad when worn by Van Sustren and her stupid husband John Coale. I can only assume this is for some show she is doing which makes it even more pathetic. Unless she thinks she is being savvy and leaving the current administration a political message. You know, like leaving a bag of poo on fire on the front door step for Obama to come out and smash with his foot. But if that’s the case, then leave a bag of poo on fire on the doorstep. Don’t make Lohan and Kardashian your poo guest. Lohan can’t even be on time for the show Glee, how do you expect her to make a White House dinner on time?

In honor of this Government day of mourning, I leave you with some pictures of Kim Kardashian in tight business casual pants. But only because I have a heart.

lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, white house, greta van susteren, john coale,

Michelle Hunziker. Bikini. Miami. Really you need more? Just click….

michele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swiss

Sigh, really, what else do you need to know here?

Oh wait, maybe I should have led with The Swiss Family Robinson missing their hot MILF member. Now Found.

My bad.

An oncoming MILF with a hot body laying out in Miami. I say oncoming because she is still early 30s and I am not sold that’s complete MILF status as it seems unfair to the other MILFs competing for queen body title. I mean, look at Michelle Hunzinker in her gold laden bikini laying out in tropical Miami. This story has less holes in it than swiss cheese, its literally perfect. Sexy foreign girl bikini Miami bad-Pamela-Anderson-tattoo. Its all the components that win journalist like me Pulitzers.

Now that you are just rotting away in your cubicle waiting for 5:00 to roll around so you can hit the happy hour and get some $1.50 Coronas and get so messy that you slobber on some random girl’s friends taco platter, you can now peruse a swiss model’s bikini pictures. That’s a dignified way to spend your crappy work hours. And that’s all due to my fantastic journalistic skills. You see how that works?

michele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swissmichele hunzinker, bikinis, miami, swiss

Minka Kelly’s cleavage visits prestigious university in nation’s capital

minka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobs

Minka Kelly visited Washington DC’s George Washington University for the Millennium Challenge Corporation Forum, where she spoke to an audience who reportedly couldn’t focus on anything but her incredible cleavage. In the same way Minka’s boobs bring recognition to those suffering from poverty, they ironically are really freaking distracting from the issue at the same time. It is Thursday, what could be better than this post? Well I guess there are things that could be better but whatever.

The former Charlie’s Angel star (yes, I know, show sucked but I like saying it anyways) is trying to stay “abreast” the topic of poverty by attending events like this. Because sharing is caring. Sharing big incredible racks like Minka’s, that is.

By the way, Minka is 31 and still has some gas left in the tank / breast. Who would have thought the daughter of an Aersosmith guitarist and a stripper would flourish so well? Heck, who would have even thought she’d be even halfway normal? Basically Minka Kelly’s cleavage is the result of a rock star meeting a stripper. Awesome.

I hope you enjoy the pictures of Minka Kelly’s summer dress breast shots. Or enjoy the guy in the bad suit with the creepy mustache. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your lives homies.

minka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobs

Minka Kelly’s cleavage visits prestigious university in nation’s capital

minka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobs

Minka Kelly visited Washington DC’s George Washington University for the Millennium Challenge Corporation Forum, where she spoke to an audience who reportedly couldn’t focus on anything but her incredible cleavage. In the same way Minka’s boobs bring recognition to those suffering from poverty, they ironically are really freaking distracting from the issue at the same time. It is Thursday, what could be better than this post? Well I guess there are things that could be better but whatever.

The former Charlie’s Angel star (yes, I know, show sucked but I like saying it anyways) is trying to stay “abreast” the topic of poverty by attending events like this. Because sharing is caring. Sharing big incredible racks like Minka’s, that is.

By the way, Minka is 31 and still has some gas left in the tank / breast. Who would have thought the daughter of an Aersosmith guitarist and a stripper would flourish so well? Heck, who would have even thought she’d be even halfway normal? Basically Minka Kelly’s cleavage is the result of a rock star meeting a stripper. Awesome.

I hope you enjoy the pictures of Minka Kelly’s summer dress breast shots. Or enjoy the guy in the bad suit with the creepy mustache. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your lives homies.

minka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobsminka kelly, millenium challenge corporation forum, george washington university, cleavage, boobs

Beyonce connects pregnancy and her current hotness. Fills world with despair.

beyonce, new york city, pregnant, people

Beyonce is getting back to being the queen of hotness, which she is now crediting to her recently giving birth to a baby with a weird name. I’m not repeating the name here because that will help spread celebrity evil.

Blue Ivy Carter.

Crap, now look what I’ve done!!! Release the celebrity evil!

via People:
I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth,” says PEOPLE’s 2012 World’s Most Beautiful Woman. “I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.

This news is very upsetting to me. Someone make damn sure that Megan Fox does not hear this gibberish being muttled about. This is the type of rhetoric that spreads and convinces women that having kids is a good thing to do, almost natural. It’s bad enough that us men have to battle things like evolution without having Beyoncelution coming in and sideswiping us as well.

Listen “all the ladies,” Beyonce is hot because she is super rich and because God loves her more than the rest of you. Plain and simple, folks. Also because JayZ is a rapper. Ok not really sure why that has an effect but I am just so sure it does that I am including it. I don’t want to hear anymore of this crap going around. Beyonce snapped back, sure, but lets not get any silly ideas.

Remember people, celebrities can be different from the rest of us. They live in a world of fantasy and photoshop. Babies make girls ugly. It’s proven.

beyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, people

Beyonce connects pregnancy and her current hotness. Fills world with despair.

beyonce, new york city, pregnant, people

Beyonce is getting back to being the queen of hotness, which she is now crediting to her recently giving birth to a baby with a weird name. I’m not repeating the name here because that will help spread celebrity evil.

Blue Ivy Carter.

Crap, now look what I’ve done!!! Release the celebrity evil!

via People:
I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth,” says PEOPLE’s 2012 World’s Most Beautiful Woman. “I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.

This news is very upsetting to me. Someone make damn sure that Megan Fox does not hear this gibberish being muttled about. This is the type of rhetoric that spreads and convinces women that having kids is a good thing to do, almost natural. It’s bad enough that us men have to battle things like evolution without having Beyoncelution coming in and sideswiping us as well.

Listen “all the ladies,” Beyonce is hot because she is super rich and because God loves her more than the rest of you. Plain and simple, folks. Also because JayZ is a rapper. Ok not really sure why that has an effect but I am just so sure it does that I am including it. I don’t want to hear anymore of this crap going around. Beyonce snapped back, sure, but lets not get any silly ideas.

Remember people, celebrities can be different from the rest of us. They live in a world of fantasy and photoshop. Babies make girls ugly. It’s proven.

beyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, peoplebeyonce, new york city, pregnant, people

So Megan Fox pregnancy rumor keeps on keeping on.

megan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kids

So apparently the rumor that Brian Austin Green’s penis is fertile might actually be true, according to E! News who is reporting that Megan Fox wants not just one kid, but maybe even several.

via E! News:
If Fox has her way, the baby could be the start of something big for her and Green, who tied the knot in June 2010.
“I want at least two, probably three kids,” the Friends With Kids actress says in the April issue of Cosmopolitan. “I’ve always been maternal.”

So yes, if you are keeping tabs, this means that Brian Austin Green gets to have sex with Megan Fox at least two more potential times. Three more times if this pregnancy isn’t true, which leaves me torn as to how much I actually hope that’s it true. Do I want Megan Fox’s body to endure pregnancy less than I want Brian Austin Green to have 3 wishes left from the bottle rather than 2? These are difficult decisions for an early Tuesday morning.

I have put up a gallery of pictures of the two of them walking about in Los Angeles. If you don’t look closely, you will notice that Brian Austin Green is putting on his “I may MMA someone if my coffee isn’t perfect” face. Or maybe that’s just the way a guy that fertilizes Megan Fox’s eggs looks these days? I wouldn’t know. I don’t get those opportunities. Anyways, get the point, Megan Fox is not going to be as hot as she has always been. Everyone just needs to get used to it. Time, they are a changing.

megan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kidsmegan fox, brian austin green, pregnant, E News, friends with kids

Can Jennifer Aniston despise the Brad Pitt engagement anymore?

jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete

The answer is a solid and unwavering YES! Ever since Brad Pitt cheated on Aniston with Angelina Jolie, Jennifer has clearly never been the same. A string of pitiful and futile relationships marred by very public separations and eventual sob story movie roles have dogged her life. So pitiful, that I actually had always wondered if maybe it was all a rouse to stir promos for her bitter romance flicks that seems to have become her market ever since the devil Jolie ruined her life.

That is, until now.

Now Aniston is in full blown wedding mode with future husband and ex-husband, Justin Theroux.

via TMZ:
Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.

BTW, one of the hotel big wigs says Aniston hasn’t settled on his hotel for the nuptials … as he put it, “She has connections on the other side of the island as well.”

So basically right after Jennifer heard about the engagement, she high tailed it to Crete to make a spectacle out of her wedding. I can only imagine this really working Pitt, he must feel devastated over this. I expect Pitt and a gang go small African kids to show up in Crete right before the nuptials are exchanged and stop the wedding so he can take her back.

Will this relationship even last more than 5 minutes? Remember John Mayor? That one was supposed to be the one also, but it ended as fast as it began. She must have a weird scent that dudes just don’t appreciate.

jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete jennifer aniston, justin theroux, nyc, engaged, crete